With the season merely 5 games old, and the Mets having lost their first game yesterday afternoon, it was inevitable that, on this evening, the Doomsday Patrol finally came out. Yes, listening to WFAN this evening, all the calls tonight sounded something like this:
"Man, what's wrong with that David Wright? He just doesn't look good!"
"Wright's pressing. He's hitting off his back foot. His mechanics are out of whack!"
"I think Wright's letting the success go to his head."
"Wright hasn't looked good since the first half of last season. I think the Home Run Derby screwed him up!"
It's true. Wright has been off to a very un-Wright like start. I mean, jeez! Through 5 games, Wright is hitting .300, with 2 doubles, 4 runs scored, 1 RBI and 1 steal. But no Homers. And today, a miserable 3-Strikeout game. So what's going on here? What's wrong with our budding superstar? Tight shoes? Does he need a shrink like other New York Ballplayers?
Now, I'm hardly an authority on what goes on within the psyche of a Major Leaguer. It's a grueling job that I'll never have. But I do know from on-the-job stresses. And if I may, I'd like to pass on my humble opinion as to what David Wright can do to right his ship.
David Wright needs to get laid.
Yes, I know, I know. David Wright could get laid simply by stepping out of his new condo in the Flatiron district. But DW is a special kind of guy, and not just any woman will do for him. We know his scorecard. Young, handsome, single guy with a boatload of money living it up in the big city, but he's a country boy at heart, the son of a Police Officer. Humble and down to earth. Captain America, in short.
Here's DW out at a bar, on a night out with LoDuca. Now, we all love Paulie here. But his choice of women leaves quite a bit to be desired. I'm not saying that Wright and LoDuca shouldn't hang out together, but I'm hoping that Wright isn't following LoDuca's lead when it comes to messing around with members of the opposite sex. Wright is most likely to end up with a big, fat paternity suit, or worse, in jail if he does this.
Wright himself has admitted that it's easy to let the women become a distraction. And it's especially easy to let yourself get mixed up with the riffraff. What Wright really needs is a steady main squeeze, a real girlfriend to come home to after the game. So I'd like to suggest a few options for Wright to pursue.
1) Julia Stiles
We all know Julia Stiles is a big Mets fan. She seems to show up to odd weekday night games throughout the season. And she seems like a nice girl. You never hear stories about her getting busted with pot, or drunk and vomiting on a sidewalk. Plus, her career seems to be stagnating. Has anyone seen her in a movie since "Save The Last Dance?" I think hitching her wagon to one of Baseball's hottest young stars could be a boost for her career, just as much as she could help David Wright stay focused. She's at the stadium all the time. I'm sure someone has to be able to introduce them.
2) Lindsey Jacobellis
Remember Lindsey Jacobellis? She was the poor snowboarder who was running away with a Gold Medal at last year's Winter Olympics until she hot-dogged on a jump and fell on her ass. And she seemed genuinely remorseful afterwards. Like Wright, she's full of down-home, girl-next-door charm. I think that she could keep Wright's feet on the ground, and help him to stay humble, knowing that he shouldn't let success get to his head so much. Plus, as we've seen with the success of the relationship of Nomar Garciaparra and Mia Hamm, there's a lot of solidarity between fellow athletes. Especially when it's involving two athletes who are at the top of their specific sports. And since she's involved in a wintertime sport, and he's involved in a summertime sport, they'll always be able to have the free time to root for each other in person. I think this could be a good, supportive relationship for both of them.
3) Sarah Hughes
Sticking with the Olympians, why not Sarah Hughes? She's another wholesome, girl-next-door type. She even went to the same High School as my father, in Great Neck (although I do not believe she was sent to detention for making newspaper trees in the back of the auditorium during the school play). And remember her at the Olympics in '02? She looked like a red-headed shrew back then, but it seems that her beauty has blossomed with age (can't say the same for her sister, though). Moreover, Figure skaters are known for their great dexterity and flexibility. Also, she goes to Yale, so that should tell you right there that she's no dummy. Like Julia Stiles, Hughes is also a Mets fan. She's stated an interest for Wright. And she's currently retired from skating, so she's got plenty of time to devote herself to him. And, judging from this picture, she may already have her "in."
(Hmm...Smart, attractive, limber, Mets fan? Is she Jewish?)
4) Ann Coulter
An odd choice, you say, but remember that Wright had a much-publicized dinner with our President, George W. Bush, during the off-season, an experience Wright called, "Incredible." Now, I don't know much about Wright's political stance, and we know that Coulter's politics border on insanity. But if they were to be together, she'd be the controversial figure. All the focus would be on her. Plus, she's 20 years older than him, so she could probably teach him a few things about life, and how to handle the constant spotlight. And all the political discussion will help to keep his mind sharp, and he'll have something else to talk about when he comes home after a tough night at the Ballpark. After all, we all know that life can become a drag if you're always carrying work home with you.
5) Jennifer Hudson
Jennifer Hudson would also be a fine match for Wright. Her rags-to-riches story is enough to warm anyone's heart, and she's an example of where hard work, determination and believing in yourself can ultimately bring you success. Even though she lost on American Idol, Hudson stuck to her guns and eventually went on to be cast in "Dreamgirls," and won an Academy Award for her performance. She even put on 20 pounds in order to play her part. This shows true dedication to her craft. She doesn't drink, she doesn't smoke, she seems like she could be the perfect counterpart for Wright. She could remind him of where he came from, and to always work hard to maintain his success.
6) Lindsay Lohan
OK, just kidding. But that made you laugh, didn't it?
But, seriously, I'm sure there are plenty of other good women for David Wright that I'm not thinking of at this late hour. But it's important that our young star find happiness in all aspects of his life. I think a good, strong relationship off the field will translate to his having more success on the field. Just look at Jeter. He's always seen out galavanting with his starlet girlfriends, and he's always been successful, for years. So I think a new woman in Wright's life could be the perfect cure for all his struggles at the plate.