I Care About You Less And Less (2013 American League Preview)

For the Baseball Purist such as myself, there is something almost sacred about National League Baseball. To be certain, the oldest surviving Major League provides what I feel is the Thinking Man's game, with nuances and strategy that have filled books and blogs for years. As such, I've grown rather disdainful of the American League and have gone on record calling it all sorts of derisive names. Unfortunately, the American League isn't going anyplace anytime soon and because of the Astros move creating a further imbalance in the schedule, their annoying brand of Baseball will continue to infiltrate the National League, infecting games with the Designated Hitter on a now-daily basis and giving fans of the Designated Fatboy even more of a chance to call for its full-time adoption. That being said, since I have to pay more attention to the American League than I prefer to, I'll offer up my usually ass-backwards team capsules for the Junior Circuit herein.

AL EAST
1) Tampa Bay Rays (93-69)
Certainly, the AL East reasons to be the most competitive in Baseball this season, with 4 of the 5 teams capable of winning the division title. My pick this year is the Rays. Even though they dealt away James Shields, they still have boatloads of quality starting pitching, led by David Price and followed up by Jeremy Hellickson and Matt Moore. Critics of the Rays seem to feel that they can't hit, and perhaps their lineup isn't littered with glamorous names like other teams in their division, but they've got one major star in Evan Longoria and a boatload of Ben Zobrist-types that are generally tough outs.

2) Miami Marlins Toronto Blue Jays (89-73)
Sorry. Since the majority of their roster was procured in the Marlins' massive salary dump, I kind of got confused. The knock on the Blue Jays here is that the Toronto Marlins weren't successful as a unit in Miami last season, so why should they do any better in Toronto? They might not, but the Blue Jays had a reasonably good roster in place to begin with, starting with Jose Bautista, Edwin Encarnacion, Brandon Morrow and Ricky Romero, and now they've got some support around them. Plus, Mets fans will be throwing their support behind the Jays, not simply because of a particular division rival, but because of the presence of R.A. Dickey, who'll be taking the ball for them on Opening Day.

3) New York Yankees (87-75)
I know that the faction of spoiled brat Yankee fans who think time began in 1995 are tearing their hair out because Brian Cashman hasn't gone out and annexed Joey Votto to play 1st Base, and my heart just aches sorrowfully for them, but we're finally starting to see the Yankees come back to earth. Their fear of Baseball's new luxury tax has curtailed their generally free-spending nature, which wouldn't be such a big deal if their roster wasn't choking under the massive contracts given to players now beginning to show their age. Let's face it. Jeter's getting old, Rivera's going to retire, Pettitte is old, Sabathia is starting to show signs of wear and Bitch Teixeira is ailing, and that's not even getting to the $275,000,000 White Elephant that's not playing 3rd Base. But we've got to be realistic. The '95ers screaming that this is all of a sudden going to be a 70 win team are mistaken. They are still the Yankees, and they've still got Robinson Cano, and a down year for them may simply be a spot in the AL Wildcard game.

4) Baltimore Orioles (84-78)
Baltimore could conceivably be better this season, with their mostly very young and very talented roster now with the crucible of Playoff Baseball under their belt. But in reality, what will happen is that they're not going to sneak up on teams quite the same way they did in 2012. That said, they're also not going to go back to being the perennial pushover that they'd been for so many years. Buck Showalter and company are a team on the rise in the AL.

5) Boston Red Sox (76-86)
I don't think they'll be quite as embarrassingly bad as last year, but then again that may be because they dealt away a lot of their dead, expensive weight and replaced it with other expensive weight that might not be quite as dead. The lineup has been almost completely turned over since their 2007 World Series Championship, with Dustin Pedroia and David Ortiz now joined by my main man Shane Victorino, as well as Jonny Gomes and Stephen Drew, but it remains to be seen whether or not they'll be anything resembling a cohesive unit. Two of the three members of the FriedChickenGate Red Sox are still holding positions in their starting rotation, and John Lackey has been nothing but a malcontent since he got to Boston. Bobby Valentine may be gone, but this still won't end well.

AL CENTRAL
1) Detroit Tigers (99-63)
My sense is that they're probably still steaming from their embarrassing sweep at the hands of the Giants in last year's World Series, and with little turnover on their roster, they stand as good a chance as any to get back there again this year. Whorishly talented Miguel Cabrera and Justin Verlander will lead the way, and let's not overlook the remainder of their rotation, because Max Scherzer, Doug Fister and Anibal Sanchez are pretty damn good in their own right. Let's also not forget that they added something from nothing because Victor Martinez, out all last season with an injury, returns to DH and perhaps spell Prince Fielder at 1st Base. A soft bullpen is their poison pill, but that may not rear its head until October.

2) Chicago White Sox (84-78)
Unfortunately, for a team whose biggest Free Agent addition this offseason was Jeff Keppinger, the White Sox probably aren't going to pose much of a challenge for the Tigers in the Central, or anyone else who aspires to the Wildcard. Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to them coming to Citi Field in May, if for no other reason then to welcome their manager, our old friend Robin Ventura, back to New York.

3) Kansas City Royals (82-80)
The Washington Nationals appearance in the 2012 postseason meant that the Royals are now on the schneid as the MLB team with the longest postseason drought. It's been far from a pleasurable journey for the Royals, but, in similar vein to the Pirates, they've managed to finally put together a roster stocked with young impact talent that's beginning to gel and come of age. The nucleus of Alex Gordon, Eric Hosmer, Mike Moustakas and Salvador Perez appear primed to carry the team to the next level. Sensing this, the Royals shrewdly dealt top prospect Wil Myers to Tampa in order to stock a lacking pitching staff with proven winners James Shields and Wade Davis. It may not be enough to put the Royals over the top, but it will make them a legitimate part of the conversation.

4) Cleveland Indians (79-83)
They certainly opened up their wallets, bringing in Free Agents Mike Aviles, Nick Swisher, Michael Bourn and Mark Reynolds, so they'll score runs in boatloads, but their pitching appears to be woefully overmatched and it's going to be a struggle for their mashers to outscore their suckitude.

5) Minnesota Twins (73-89)
The cycle theory that the Twins seem to operate on is on the downside once again. Most of the players that they developed into stars have been dealt off for a new wealth of prospects that are probably a year or two off at best. Unfortunately, this means that the Twins will have to slog through a few more lean years before things get better, and then they have to worry about the productiveness of the stars they managed to keep around, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau (which not coincidentally are probably the only recognizable names on their roster right now).

AL WEST
1) Anaheim Angels (90-72)
For the second year in a row, the Angels went out and landed The marquee Free Agent, adding Josh Hamilton to a lineup headlined by Albert Pujols. Conventional wisdom would lead you to believe that this dynamic duo will cruise into October, and they probably will go through the regular season with relative ease, but their pitching might not measure up against some of the teams they stand to meet in October.

2) Oakland Athletics (84-78)
If the A's are going to win, they're going to have to follow the San Francisco Giants model of building around outstanding pitching and an offense that can scrape by doing the absolute minimum, because that's what their roster looks like right now. They won the division last year because their pitchers all got hot at once and their hitters just sort of pecked and scraped their way through everything before the Tigers ultimately got the better of them in the ALDS. Adding Chris Young helps, but for the most part, their comings and goings this offseason were sort of a wash, so it's basically the same group.

3) Texas Rangers (81-81)
How the mighty have fallen. They slumped terribly late in the season, pissed away a division title, slept through the Wildcard Game, and then lost 3 key players via Free Agency, and only responded by adding A.J. Pierzynski, which means that their lineup went from Nelson Cruz as a nice complimentary hitter to Nelson Cruz as the main power source.

4) Seattle Mariners (72-90)
I read somewhere that the Mariners have a somewhat decent pitching staff and I nearly laughed my ass off. The Mariners have one of Baseball's best in Felix Hernandez, that's not up for debate. But how many of you noticed that, at some point during the season last year, they began trotting in Oliver Perez from the bullpen as a lefty specialist? That's right. The Seattle Mariners are depending on Oliver Perez in a role of consequence on the Major League level. Oh, by the way, they also have Jason Bay patrolling the Outfield, in case you needed further laughing material. There's talent behind Hernandez, particularly in Kyle Seager and, if they can get their heads right, Dustin Ackley and Justin Smoak, but real tangible help probably isn't going to come this season.

5) Houston Astros (49-113)
They'll move to the American League and bring their losses with them. I'm not sure what the hell happened, but over the past few years, the Astros somehow managed to strip themselves of both viable Major League talent and viable Minor League talent, leaving behind a carcass of a franchise that has to rebuild from the bottom up, meaning they'll be fielding a lineup primarily composed of useless veterans and castoffs, combined with raw youngsters that aren't really ready for the rigors of Major League play while they slowly restock their Minor League system. It's not completely barren, they've developed Jose Altuve, who's got a little spark, but taking a team that was already putrid and not only making them switch leagues but plonking them in a division with 3 other quality teams (and let's face it, the Mariners look like the Yankees compared to them) and you've got the perfect storm for disaster.

AWARDS
AL MVP: Evan Longoria, Rays
AL CY YOUNG: Justin Verlander, Tigers (as if this wasn't already a chic pick)
AL ROY: Jurickson Profar, Rangers

POSTSEASON
AL Wildcard Game: Blue Jays over Yankees
ALDS: Tigers over Blue Jays, Angels over Rays
ALCS: Tigers over Angels

The 50-50 Club

The Mets lost last night, in an eminently forgettable game to the eminently forgettable Houston Astros. This appeared to be a game that the Astros won in spite of themselves. While the Mets on paper look bad but have played well, the Astros actually are as bad as they look. Their basic lack of improvement following a 104-loss season should indicate as much. This makes their victory last night slightly more galling, considering that their bullpen is so awful that Astros manager Brad Mills actually used 7 different pitchers to get through 7 consecutive batters in the late innings. But somehow, they managed to scrape out the winning run when Terry Collins' non-move, to remove Manny Acosta, blew up in his inexcusable second inning of work. I'm known to blast off on certain players, and, rest assured, a full-scale diatribe against Manny Acosta is indeed percolating, but it's not quite ready yet.

The Astros, of course, are the 1962 brethren of the Mets, and their paths have crossed in some fairly memorable battles over the past 50 years. And, of course, their share of clunkers. What seems odd, however, is that this apparently is going to be the Mets last trip to Houston as a National League team. In a rather innocuous move which I don't think anyone is going to really start complaining about until they see how ridiculous it is, the Astros are going to be incongruously moved to the AL West next season, giving Major League Baseball two 15-team leagues. This also means that there will be interleague play going on all season long. Which means that the AL Fatboys are going to start clamoring for the NL to adopt the DH. And so on, and so forth.

I'm fairly certain little good will come of this. I, and most NL fans, tend to be purists. We like our quick, moderately low-scoring, strategy-filled affairs, replete with pitchers having to take their hacks. The Fatboy argument, of course, is that the NL is the only league in professional baseball where the pitcher bats, and they even employ a DH in Spring Training games. A fair argument, but the NL ultimately requires thinking and strategy in their games, something that has always appealed to me. The NL is the Thinking Man's league, whereas the AL basically just requires you to put on your shades, tilt back your head and wait for someone to hit a 3-run Home Run. And yet somehow, some NL team is going to have to be forced to be subjected to this on any given day, even in the thick of a pennant race. I mean, really. The AL? The DH? The DH is a position that has kept guys like Bob Hamelin, Rob Deer and Adam Dunn employed. The Designated Fatboy, the 3-run HR and 4-hour games. Gotta love that American League ball.

My sincere hope is that this is just an experiment, and maybe they'll go back, or maybe someone in Bud Selig's office will wake him up, wipe the drool off his chin and smack him across the face, but, unfortunately, this is probably going to be here to stay. So, Houston, farewell, at least for the next few seasons, until our paths cross again. May we always remember your storied National League tradition.

Fatboy-Free 2007 Previews

I was watching a Mets game in 2001 or 2002, I can't quite remember when, but it was late in the season, the Mets were languishing out of the race, and Tug McGraw was in the booth. I believe it was one of his last appearances before he passed away. But he was his usual loquacious self in the booth, and he said one thing in particular that stuck with me. It's a loose interpretation, not an exact quote, but it went something like this:

"I don't consider what they play in the AL Baseball. That's Commie Baseball. Who the hell can call that real Baseball?! There's no strategy! There's a DH! Commie Style Baseball."

I agree with Tug. A colleague of mine refers to the AL as "Fatboy Baseball," in reference to the stature of some of the gentlemen masquerading as ballplayers, calling themselves "Designated Hitters."

It's true, the AL lacks in strategy and pitching. Moreover, they still boast three teams that actually still play on carpet. It is for this reason, that this preview for the 2007 will consist of a preview for the National League, for that is the league that plays a pure style of baseball, where the grass is real, the pitchers bat, and the ballparks are spacious (unless you're Philadelphia, Houston or Cincinnati).

It should be another bizarre season in the NL. As per usual, a number of teams will present completely different looks than they had the season before. But last season, we saw a number of underdogs prevail, particularly the Mets, who came in as a contender and ended the season with the league's best record. San Diego seems to be forever undermanned, but they continued to win. LA shook off injuries and inconsistency. The Cardinals, it could be said, underperformed in '06, falling from 100 wins to 83, before a miraculous postseason run, culminating in a World Championship.

In the words of Joaquin Andujar, "Youneverknow."

NL EAST
1) New York Mets (94-68)
Would you expect any less from me? The Mets should and probably will repeat as the class of the NL East in '07. The league's best offense is more or less completely intact, Alou replacing Floyd and it should be only a matter of time before Milledge unseats Green in RF. But here's the wrinkle I think the Mets will have. With my Carlos Beltran inflection, "I do believe..." that the Mets Starting rotation will emerge as the team's strength. Glavine will be Glavine. El Duque will miss his share of starts, get shelled his share of times, and pitch well every other time. But it is the back end that has intrigued me for months. I think that the Mets have some bigtime emerging talent in Maine, Perez and Pelfrey, and I look for these three to step it up as the season progresses. Consistency will be the key for all three of them. Yes, they'll have their spotty moments, but they will prove themselves up to the challenge, and take the pressure off of the bullpen, which will once again be one of the league's most often used. Do their jobs, and the offense will take care of the rest.

2) Philadelphia Phillies (87-75)
Much has been made of the additions that Philadelphia made. Much has also been made of the flapping of the gums done by Jimmy Rollins. Rollins is great, no doubt, and with the thunder in the lineup behind him consisting of Utley, Howard, Rowand and Burrell, they're sure to light up the scoreboard in that tiny abomination of a ballpark.

But here's the problem.

Yes, they've added some skilled pitchers in Freddy Garcia and Adam Eaton, working in front of Hamels, Lieber and Moyer. But Garcia has had the benefit of pitching in a couple of the rare spacious pitcher's parks on the other side, and even then pitched to some high ERA's in front of some good hitting lineups. And Eaton is a talented mystery who has never quite put it together. And the bullpen isn't much to write home about at all. Closing is the ageless Flash Gordon, far from a lock. So the question is, can the Phillies hit enough to offset what should be some questionable pitching? Perhaps, but it will only take them so far.

3) Atlanty Braves (82-80)
They put a great deal of emphasis into restocking their bullpen in the offseason, and while that will prove to be better than it was last year (I believe they have a real closer now, since Wickman appears to have eaten most of his competition), I'm not sold that the rest of the team is any better. The pitching staff consists of a struggling Tim Hudson, the ageless John Smoltz, Mike Hampton coming off Tommy John surgery, Chuck James (who could surprise and break out) and most likely some combination of Kyle Davies or whoever else has a warm arm and can throw 5 innings. The offense is about as exciting as the latest Van Halen album. Wow. Larry and Andro Jones shall ride again. Jeff "Charboneau 2006" Francoeur and Brian McCann. Yay. Kelly Johnson and Ryan Langerhans. Be still my heart. Best of all: Chris Woodward off the bench. Fun times in Dixieland!

4) Florida Marlins (75-87)
Contingent on the performance of Dontrelle, mainly, and how Miguel Cabrera will respond when some (and there will be some) of his teammates experience a sophomore slump. They are young, and talented and emerging, but not contenders. But the pitchers are good (particularly Johnson and Sanchez) and they can beat you if you catch them on the wrong day. But it will still be an uphill climb, and we don't know how they will respond to their new manager Fredi Gonzalez following the departure of the popular but embattled Joe Girardi.

5) Washington Nationals (70-92)
Funny thing about the Nationals. Have you ever noticed that they have all these guys with Jewish first names and Hispanic last names? Saul Rivera? Bernie Castro? And I think they have a rookie pitcher named Irving Sanchez, too.

NL CENTRAL
1) St. Louis Cardinals (90-72)
Yeah, I guess they'll ride again. But the bullpen is a shambles. I think Isringhausen's arm is in danger of flying off at any given moment, and his knees are completely shot. Their best relievers, Wainwright and The Jerk, are both in the starting rotation, backing Carpenter, injury prone Kip Wells and youngster Al Reyes. But they'll ride again, behind the wave of good buddy Poo-Holes and the geriatric ward of Rolen and Edmonds, and find their way into October yet again.

I will now go and vomit.

2) Houston Astros (88-74)
So, when's Clemens coming back this year? Or will Berkman have to shoulder the load by himself as per usual. Actually, with Carlos Lee now hitting behind him (although Lee, formerly the perfect fatboy ballplayer, is stuck in the field now), Berkman could conceivably better his lofty numbers of '06. He's an elite player, but he doesn't have the chips around him. Ensberg returning to his All Star form of '05 is key, as is the performance of pitchers Jennings, Woody and a couple of inconsistent rookies, pitching behind Oswalt, who will again be one of the game's best. There are a lot of variables that need to fall into place to make the Astros a success this season, but I have the feeling that they'll be able to do what's necessary and reel in the Wildcard.

3) Milwaukee Brewers (83-79)
I'd expect the Brewers to be a decent and thoroughly unexciting club to watch over the course of the season. Sheets should finally return to form and he's backed by some very solid pitchers in Capuano and Bush. The offense will miss Carlos Lee, but Bill Hall came out of nowhere to emerge as a star, and I've always been impressed by Johnny Estrada. But outside of that, a pretty ho hum bunch.

4) Chicago Cubs (81-81)
Spend, spend, spend! $136 million for a 50 HR guy...and they're batting him leadoff? The Cubs will certainly produce some major thunder on offense. Soriano is just the appetizer, hitting in front of a finally healthy Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez. Good friend Cliff Floyd will platoon in left with the emerging Matt Murton and we certainly wish him all the best.

And then there's the pitching...

It's Carlos Zambrano (the good Zambrano, in case you forgot) and who exactly? Ted Lilly is next, and I'd like to see who gets the better of the first fistfight between him and Piniella. Rich Hill could be good, and then there's Glendon Rusch, Jason Marquis and Mark Prior and his 83MPH heater. The bullpen is assembled mostly of castoffs from the 1999 Chicago White Sox.

sigh...

5) Cincinnati Reds (76-86)
Out of all the teams that probably figure to be bad, I think Cincinnati has the best chance to "hang around and give those guys a great big shitburger," in the words of Cleveland manager Lou Brown. If Freel can lay off the booze, Griffey can stay healthy, Dunn can cut down his strikeouts, and guys like Bronson Arroyo and Aaron Harang can prove last season wasn't a fluke, the Reds could surprise a few people.

Then again, their bullpen is anchored by a couple of familiar faces. David Weathers and Mike Stanton.

Probably another long season in Cincinnati.

6) Pittsburgh Pirates (68-94)
Blah, blah, blah, BAY, blah, blah, blah.

NL WEST
1) Los Angeles Dodgers (89-73)
The race in the west will probably come right down to the wire, with last season's culprits, the Dodgers and Padres doing battle once again. Last year, the Padres came up with the necessary pitching and clutch hitting to get the job done. I think the Dodgers have it in them this year. The pitching is suspect, with Penny always a mystery, Schmidt coming off a couple of injury plagued seasons, followed by Lowe, Randy Wolf also fresh off the operating table, and finally, mysteriously, Brett Tomko. Brett Tomko???

But, they'll hit in bunches, especially if they let some of their youngsters like Matt Kemp and James Loney play. The geriatric bunch of Nomar, Luis Gonzalez and Kent will also be there, and Pierre at the top of the lineup should be an improvement over Kenny Lofton. It seems a similar formula to the Cardinals recipe for success last year, with the exception of the breakaway talent of you-know-who. Might work, but not as well as it did for St. Louis.

2) San Diego Padres (86-76)
The Padres will, once again, field a team that looks to be low and leaky on paper, and yet somehow manages to produce and be competitive throughout the season. This year will be no different. They have a number of question marks on offense, especially in Left Field and Third Base, but they have solid options everywhere else. Similar to Milwaukee, nobody will light up the scoreboard, but they are a plucky bunch. The rotation is anchored by Peavy and Crybaby Jerkins in front of Chris Young who could really emerge as a star. The bullpen is strong up front with Linebrink and Hoffman, but weak after that, and that could very well spell their doom in the end.

3) San Francisco Giants (81-81)
I heard that the entire team is going to be doing the "Just for Men" ads this season, unseating Keith and Clyde. And they should be advertising for some sort of Men's health/appearance improvement product. One that's legal, that is.

4) Arizona Diamondbacks (79-83)
Randy Returns, but will it help much? The future has arrived in earnest for the D'Backs, replete with some hideous new uniforms. Stephen Drew, Conor Jackson, Carlos Quentin and Chris B. Young round out a quartet of youngsters that will anchor the club's future. The pieces around them are good, albeit a middling bunch. Orlando Hudson is OK and so is Chad Tracy, but behind Brandon Webb and Mr. Unit, there's not much help to be had from the pitching staff.


5) Colorado Rockies (67-95)
Yawn. I'm tired. It's tough putting all these short team capsules together. You know, I thought about calling it a night by time I got to the NL West, but no, I kept on. And that is what a true winner does. When he's tired, he finishes what he started before he goes to bed. And he makes sure that we all have something to read in the morning with the coffee and the donuts and the New York Times in the staff lounge at work.

(Yeah, I thought this might be a little more interesting than hearing about the Rockies.)

And so your playoff teams are:
NL East Champ: New York Mets
NL Central Champ: St. Louis Cardinals
NL West Champ: Los Angeles Dodgers
NL Wildcard: Houston Astros

NLDS
Mets over Astros (4)
Dodgers over Cardinals (5)

NLCS
Mets over Dodgers (6)

And if you want to read an AL preview? Well, maybe El Guapo will write one. Don't look for one out of me.