Night of the Gremlins

There are few things in Baseball I've grown to loathe more than the annual Subway Series. It used to be something I'd get excited for, but now it feels like a chore in the midst of an already arduous season. And I feel this way even when the Mets are going well. These games always seem to happen at the worst time of the season, and nothing good ever happens. In fact, usually it's just full of dumb shit and generally it's the Mets who end up looking stupid. I talked about this last season, but it's like they become haunted by a gremlin whenever the Subway Series comes to town.

It happened again last night. I mean, it's bad enough that this season started with all this talk about New York becoming a Mets town again, followed immediately by the Mets turning to mush. But now we have to be subjected to four days of the new masturbatory fantasy of Baseball, Aaron Judge, thrown in our faces. We get it. He's the new now and the Mets are duh stoopid slobs. He hits 800 foot Home Runs and snaps trees in half with his bare hands. I feel like every time he comes to the plate, their fans break into this Stromboli-esque chant, pounding their fists on the table, yelling "JUDGE! JUDGE! JUDGE! JUDGE! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! JUDGE! JUDGE! JUDGE!" He already broke the Home Run record before the All Star break, in case you weren't aware, and you wouldn't notice that he's slumped substantially since then, but of course the Subway Series is here so you can expect him to hit 8 Home Runs this week. He got one down in the 6th inning off Rafael Montero, which erased an early 2-0 Mets lead and tied the score, and set off this amateurish, vertigo-inducing disco light show at Steroid Field I.

To his credit, Montero pitched surprisingly well in a ballpark that has a 200' Right Field line, only allowing 2 runs in his 6 innings of work. The Mets got a pair of Home Runs from Yoenis Cespedes and Curtis Granderson in the 3rd off of Luis Cessa (because you knew Granderson would hit a Home Run in SF1) but nothing further and so when the game went late and the Mets summoned Hansel Robles, well, you knew it was a matter of time before the gremlins got him.

Robles pitched a fine 7th and really it would have been fine to get him there, but noooooo. Collins sent him back for the 8th where predictably he gave up a leadoff Home Run to Aaron Hicks, who blasted it and stood and styled while Robles stood there with that dopey puss on his face because the Subway Series got him again. Robles was then replaced with Erik Goeddel which isn't quite an improvement, as evidenced by the fact that Gary Sanchez, who will spend the rest of his career trading high on two hot months last season, hit another Home Run and that pretty much threw the game down the toilet.

I'd say we should just throw the rest of the week down the toilet. I just hope the Mets don't get swept this week. Tonight's deGrom, so that's probably our best chance. Hopefully he's immune to the Subway Series. Otherwise, we're screwed.